hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
