His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
