just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Someone shattered a urinal.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
