now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
