I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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