Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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