Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
