It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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