so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
