but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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