i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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