maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
