I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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