her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
