I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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