Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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