you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
