my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
