How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize