the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
