if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
