I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My balls are so social today.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
