I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
