its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
