Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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