Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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