I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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