We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
