don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
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You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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