so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We're too hungover to prance.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
