operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
