um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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