dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You ruined the universe
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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