non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
