tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
