I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
