The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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