I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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