he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
