i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
and you fell through a lawn chair
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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