Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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