I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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