he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
