i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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