There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
