I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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