before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
