so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
