just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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