'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
