oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You smell like stripper and shame
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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