I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
