porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
