I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
