Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
