She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
