I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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