You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
