Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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