What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
