her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
