You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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