Your face is a jimmy john
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
