I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
