You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
