a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
