I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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