i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
