You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Randomize
