and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
