on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
